Kunje now you are watching TV. Your chacha went to office just now. sometimes i feel i am not able to handle my life. I feel so sad. I dont know whether it is mood swing or not. Hmmm

Kunje You are three year old now. We celebrated your bday on 10 th November. I made lot of dishes. I made chicken biriyani, beef roast, pork roast, payasam, vegetable cutlet, veg biriyani, stew, fish curry...wow i made lot of things. I was really exhausted by the time the function started. But it was really fun. You enjoyed a lot. Your chachan bought you a nice dress. Everybody liked it. It was his selection. I wrote IELTS exam and I scored the marks which I need for an admission here. You know kunju , we both are going to do MS. Chacha is almost done. If I get admission I would start it on next january. You sing well. You fill the lines when I hum some song with correct tune. You know how to play "are you sleeping" in Piano(two lines)...You have bad cold and cough today. Chachan also not feeling well. I just watched a documentry about after life. Its amazing. you speak English and malayalam. You tell malu is your best friend. Nicy aunty gifted you a lot of pretty dresses. You like the pineapple designed dress. Your chachan too. But i like a different one. I want to see my mom kunju. I has been almost 3 years since we met. We dont know when we are going to native. hmmm....bye Kunju.....love you ( when I say "love you kunje" you reply to me "love you Amme".)

Kunje, Today you didnt sleep in the day ...so you slept fast in the stroller as we were walking ...I scanned a picture of my pappa to make a photo.....when I see his pics i am not able to stop my tears....It has been 7yrs since he passed away....But I dont know I am not able to stop crying when I remember him.....We are lucky to have him as our father.....I dont want anyone to go through what my family had gone through......Oh Lord I dont have anything to say you other than to beg you keep him in your iternal land.......I always remember him when your chacha pamper you, cuddle you.....I can still remember my childhood how it was.....I was always behind him......I can still remember him making big ball of rice to feed us.....

Kunje It has been long time since I wrote something here...You are just shy of 3 yr old now.....you speak fluently now....you speak malayalam and english too....you can write english letters and you are having some difficulty when you write the letter "B".....You got a freind he just stay next door to us...you both are very good friends and sometime fight each other...His name is Aadi......I am not feeling well today....Your aunty got visa to Canada....you know you can make anything happpen through prayers......You go out with your Chacha for shopping......You eat everything I give to you....i dont have any problemns to feed you though some kids are very picky....I give you steamed vegetables....you like them with mashed potatoes......you come with me to the gym and you try each equipment......its fun to watch you doing all these things......When I say " I love you kunje" you also say " I love you amme" and hug me tightly....Onam is coming and one of our relative coming here and he is going to come here to meet us..... nothing more to write.....you got good hieght....you teeth are not good...we have to make a dental appoinment for that...you got some tooth decay on your front teeth eventhough i brush you every morning and night.... Now I made some garam masala for pork curry and you also tried to make it ... some how it got into your eyes and you started crying and i washed your face and hands.... and you are wiping your face on my top and asking me " why its so burning"...hmmmm I love you and your chacha tooo..... bye your amma and chacha

Hi Kunje I want to go home.... I want to see everyone especially my granparents...I called them today....they are very tired of aging....And they said they want to see me .... I pray to God I just want to see them before anything happen....I love them....they are very much attached to us......When we were studying in 10th standard we were going school from our ancester home and I still remember the days as yesterdays.....Ammachi used to woke up in the early morning and she made breakfast and lunch for us...She was there for our side when my family was cornered....I love them...Oh God I just want to see them.....I just wnat to hug them......I want to smell them....I feel they have some good old smell like ayurvedic medicine........

Hi kunje now you are sleeping ....now you are 2.5 yr old. you were playing with your friend till noon. Both of you make a good friendship..He comes our home everyday. But I am not letting you to go their home....I feel vey uncomfortable when I leave you at somebodys care. I never do that. I would love to take care of you. I am enjoying my motherhood. Sometimes I will get frustration. but still I enjoy each and every moment with you. You can count till 30 now and you know all the letters. You are a good girl most of the time..Sometimes you will go mad...You got your hair back on your hair. Be a good girl always. In your life when the things wont go as you wish, dont feel you are alone in this world. We are there for you, no matter what you are. When you need a hand, when you need a hug, when you need a mind soothing word, we are there for you. I pray to God to make me a good mother and to give me the power and strength to guide you and raise you as a good child for our society. I belive only a very good mother gets a girl as her child. I think God giving a girl in a good mother's hand. I belive girls are angels.Because their thoughts are driven by the mind. God wants to put a life in a body which should be the best creature to accomodate His grace. So He selected women to carry His most beautiful creation before he/she comes to face the world, that is a child. Beause He knows who is the best. May be men they dont agree with me. I dont care about that. I love you kunje.....amma

Kunje

You speak a lot now . Now you are 2.4 month old and you draw pic nicely . You know all the alphabets if I show you all. You count till 20 . If I starts the later numbers you also start saying it. You know a lot of nursery rhymes. You like to play with your friends. You make your own songs.Its very nice to watch you dear. Today we went to our nieighbours apartment to participate in pooja..And when I hold a baby you were become jeleaous and I think you are very possessive now. I love you very much.Today you and chacha had a nice time.You both were playing a lot. Kunje as women I can give you an advice. Try to be depend on yourself .When you grow up try to get a job. It will give you confidence in daily life.
bye ummah

എന്റെ കുഞ്ഞൂസിനു നിന്റെ അമ്മ.....To My Kunju from ...

Kunjoose
we shaved your head...now you look like a "lama" baby....you are becoming very naughty....Our neighbour's son comes here oftenly....you know your acha got married and i couldnt go...I was so sad ....I prayed God to take decision....I think my decision was Gods decision.....But i could watch all functions through skype.....But I felt awful that day.....I know I always feel regret about this in my life....It was my dream....somtimes we whould accept things which may doesnt want to accept....We can make it happen with God.....I am teaching you personal prayer before you go bed in addition to rosary. Now you will remind me about it even if I forgot to make it. But you are not able to pronounce what I say exactly....sometimes you say the exact opposite word what I said to you...It is not intentionally ....when you say, you are not able to understand the meaning...You are watching TV now and now you came in running and hugged me tighthly.....I love that......You sing a lot of songs.....You drawn a pic and I posted in facebook......you got a lot of comments...But I withdraw the pic because I am not sure you had done it alone!!!!!!!!!!!

എന്റെ കുഞ്ഞൂസിനു നിന്റെ അമ്മ.....To My Kunju from your Amma......

I want to go home kunju.....I really want to go home.....Your acha is gettting married.....It was my dream to participate his marriage.....I think I dont have any dream left which can be full fill in nearest future.....Oh i am giving everything in my Lords hand.....sometimes only God can see our mind......only he can heal our pain.....Your aunty is beautiful and i feel the pair is just made for each other......I dont have anything to write because my mind is at home....i dont know how to take my mind off from this..........Oh Lord I really want to go.....Can you do some miracle for this girl who has no way to go home?............